Rant//

As much as I would like to be angry at you and hateful towards you for not being there, I can't and I won't. 

I am going to be understanding.

I am going to be kind.

I am going to be compassionate and I am going to give you the opportunity when and if you are ready to know your son and to be apart of his life.

I know you're scared.

I was scared too.

I hope the best for you.

I hope you find yourself and your purpose in life. 

I found mine.

It is to be a mother. 

A mentor.

A provider.

A lover.

Please don't miss out on the wonderful life you and I created. 

He's pretty amazing.

I can promise you that. 

Without the rain there would never be a rainbow.

You are my rainbow, sweet boy. You are my hope and my promise for a better tomorrow. When I look at you or when you lay your precious little head against my chest, all of the negative thoughts and energy disappear. You make me strive to do and be a better person. Everything I do, I do for you. Keep on smiling baby bear, it lights the whole world up. 

And on that note, goodnight. //

They don't get it.

People just really don't fucking get it.

I'm not just going to dump my kid off with someone so I can go and do whatever.

My child is my FIRST PRIORITY 

I AM A MOM

I AM NOT A TEENAGER ANYMORE 

I WILL NOT BE ABSENT IN MY SONS LIFE BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER. 

One day they'll understand.

One day.

Holidays are the hardest for me.

Every holiday for this next year, until April 4th, is a first holiday for Landon. 

They are days that are supposed to be special. 

Days to be remembered.

Instead of them being that, they are days filled with sadness.

Sadness because his dad wasn't there to experience his first something.

Sadness because Landon is so sweet and pure and just innocent and he doesn't even know his dad isn't there.

He doesn't even really know his dad.

And that makes me so so sad.

Sad for Landon.

Sad for his dad because he is missing out on so many special moments and for what reason I do not know.

Maybe he just really doesn't want to be around me.

Regardless, you should go above and beyond, you should do anything if it means being able to share a special moment with your baby. 

If it means that you get to spend time with him.

Holidays just aren't good for me.

I wish that weren't true. 

"Happy" Fourth everyone. 

12 weeks old

Well, technically not until 1:23 pm later on today. But I just couldn't wait! 

Landon has changed so much within the past week. It is absolutely UNREAL to me!

His looks are changing and old ones are coming back. He is learning new behaviors, such as grabbing his feet. Which I might add has got to be the cutest thing EVER. He's also been doing this conversation thing with Grandad. Landon really likes his "g's" as is the g in geese. It's quite adorable and I was fortunate enough to capture it on video earlier today. 

LET'S SEE WHAT ELSE

My god! This really is so much to take in. Today Landon finished his first 8 ounce feeding! Of course it started with our usual morning 6 ounces but nope! Baby boy wanted more! 

We have officially outgrown all of our 0-3 month clothing. Yes, I was a hoarder and I did attempt to put a couple of my favorite outfits on him maybe more than a few times but COME ON they're just so cute. 

Also the socks. This mommy cleaned out the sock drawer today and we are in the 3-12 month category now! 

p.s. I'm still going to put his newborn converse booties on him. THEY SORT OF FIT I PROMISE 

Anywho enough of the ranting, here's some photos I took earlier. 

 

 

 

 

Attachment parenting at it's finest.

Here is a little something I like to call CO BATHING! Yep that's a thing. You can make just about anything a "co" thing. Which is pretty damn cool in my book. 

I read a quote earlier today and it said, "The more the child feels attached to the mother, the more secure she is in her acceptance of herself and the world. The more love she gets, the more she is capable of giving. Attachment is as central to the developing child as eating and breathing."

Of course, I have a he and not a she, but it's all the same. I couldn't agree more with this statement. I truly do believe that you can never have too close of a bond with your baby. Mother or Father. 

When being civilized becomes too much of a hassle.

Men are impossible. At least this particular one in my life. I have gone ABOVE and BEYOND for him and I get absolutely nothing in return. All I ask is that you at least ACT like you're trying. You won't even give me that. I'm done being nice. I'm done being civil. I am done letting you walk all over me and talk to me any way you please. If you want to see your son, see him. Spend time with him. LOVE ON HIM. PLEASE. Just stop bringing our relationship issues into his life. It may not affect him now, but it will. Oh, it will. Keep it up buddy. You're doing a fantastic job. 

Yeah, that was sarcasm.