Rant//

As much as I would like to be angry at you and hateful towards you for not being there, I can't and I won't. 

I am going to be understanding.

I am going to be kind.

I am going to be compassionate and I am going to give you the opportunity when and if you are ready to know your son and to be apart of his life.

I know you're scared.

I was scared too.

I hope the best for you.

I hope you find yourself and your purpose in life. 

I found mine.

It is to be a mother. 

A mentor.

A provider.

A lover.

Please don't miss out on the wonderful life you and I created. 

He's pretty amazing.

I can promise you that. 

Without the rain there would never be a rainbow.

You are my rainbow, sweet boy. You are my hope and my promise for a better tomorrow. When I look at you or when you lay your precious little head against my chest, all of the negative thoughts and energy disappear. You make me strive to do and be a better person. Everything I do, I do for you. Keep on smiling baby bear, it lights the whole world up. 

And on that note, goodnight. //

They don't get it.

People just really don't fucking get it.

I'm not just going to dump my kid off with someone so I can go and do whatever.

My child is my FIRST PRIORITY 

I AM A MOM

I AM NOT A TEENAGER ANYMORE 

I WILL NOT BE ABSENT IN MY SONS LIFE BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER. 

One day they'll understand.

One day.

Holidays are the hardest for me.

Every holiday for this next year, until April 4th, is a first holiday for Landon. 

They are days that are supposed to be special. 

Days to be remembered.

Instead of them being that, they are days filled with sadness.

Sadness because his dad wasn't there to experience his first something.

Sadness because Landon is so sweet and pure and just innocent and he doesn't even know his dad isn't there.

He doesn't even really know his dad.

And that makes me so so sad.

Sad for Landon.

Sad for his dad because he is missing out on so many special moments and for what reason I do not know.

Maybe he just really doesn't want to be around me.

Regardless, you should go above and beyond, you should do anything if it means being able to share a special moment with your baby. 

If it means that you get to spend time with him.

Holidays just aren't good for me.

I wish that weren't true. 

"Happy" Fourth everyone.